Friends, Romans, lend me your Obamas!

Far be it from me to pad out this missive with tidbits concerning the sheer auditory audacity with which the current United States President is endowed, but the link between Obama’s ears and the saying above isn’t a hapless coincidence. However, when the leader of Team USA! USA! USA! departs this year, the future remains uncertain. Will it be Hillary, Jeb, Bernie or, for the love of Christ please no, that guy? I dare not utter his name.

Although America sees the Obama reign as an orgy of missed opportunities (Guantanamo, Terrorism and Privacy Laws, Afghanistan), the outgoing elected leader has bought the United States into modernity, be it a modernity the half of the rest of the world had 60 years ago: a National Health Service. Call it what you will, Obamacare or otherwise, people can now get free healthcare. As Joe Biden said “This is a big fu**ing deal!” However hard he tries though, Barrack, for we’re friends now, has another battle on his hands in the gun lobbies. Thousands being slain each year through nutcases with guns has been met with the simplistic approach of allowing more guns, which to everyone else in the world is fu**ing nuts. But alas....let’s park that for the moment.

My point though is this: whilst Obama may not have done everything the American public demanded, he does seem a competent and less of an arsehole of a leader than other countries. I’m unsure whether he has put his penis in his Secretary’s ink-well, or indeed has put his play thing anywhere near a pig, so in comparison to other leads he may need to up his game. In comparison, I present you Australia.

We have had 4 Prime Ministers over the last 5 years. None of them have been liked by their own parties let alone by anyone outside of the country. We have built up a solid platform of putting our hands over our own ears and shouting “la la la la” whilst the world burns. As far as foreign policies go, it’s not class leading. Gay Marriage? Not for us thanks. Climate Warming? Well, the jury is out despite what science and every other fu**ing nation says. Offshore tax accounts? A debate probably better placed when the Prime Minister himself doesn’t have his own personal wealth in the Cayman Islands.

Our Prime Ministers of the last few years have effectively done nothing, are devoid of any charisma or ideas of how to improve a country, and are globally admired in the same way porn starts are admired: they’re all very good out there in web-space and sure if you met one they may seem nice, but you wouldn’t want one nailing your sister. Australia is that sister. The last Prime Minster is touring the right-wing speaking circuit, denouncing foreigners (he was born in the UK) and showing pictures on his mobile of how he screwed Australia in a multitude of angles.  

Instead, I’m opening up the idea of bringing in your cast-offs, as our leaders seem utterly banal. We’re a world of recycling for goodness sake, don’t throw them on the scrap-heap, send them to do good elsewhere! Am fairly sure if we lobby hard we could get Obama for a few years in the twilight of his career: we have no silly “you have to be born here” rule so that’s out; we have gun control laws already in place because we’re not mentalists; we have a sh*tload of sunshine so solar power will be easy; we have a national healthcare system already up and running! Yes we do have some work to do in terms of racial equality, but that shouldn’t shock him to his marrow. Come to us Barrack, together we can be far from an Obamanation!

Ditch your security as we’re not into shooting Presidents here. Roll up your sleeves and put on your sunscreen (no seriously, the sun here is ridiculous). I’ll see you at the JetStar terminal on say the 21st of January 2017? I’ll put the barbeque on, the Aus Open Tennis will be in full swing, you’ll fuckin’ love it mate!