Come to Australia!!

So tell me, what’s on your mind? I often hear in Australia the ‘best country in the world’ label. It’s usually blurted out whilst supping a cold one (beer) and shooting-shit (talking) around a barbie, but in fairness, they have a fantastic point. It has an excellent police force, hospitals and doctors, sporting facilities, healthcare, high employment rates and great weather – and yes, even the bloody hot bits. Australia has some of the best quality food in the world, embracing vast arrays of authentic cultural cuisine: Chinese; Afghan; Ethiopian; Vietnamese; Thai; Russian; Persian; American; German; Spanish; Italian; Greek; Mexican; and Lebanese food, and that’s just the ones at the tip of my tongue (which is now hanging out thinking of some incredible dishes). 

Chilling

Bet it’s crowded though, eh? You're an idiot. It's the one thing that everyone knows about Australia other than it's hot - its spacious! Terra Australis is roughly the same size of the contiguous United States of America (sans Alaska, Hawaii and other territories) but with roughly 280 less million people. Per square mile the mighty USA has 103 people. In comparison, Australia has 8. This means the country is blessed with clean-air and huge swathes of countryside/scrub land that are easy to access. Not so much escape from if you’re clawed to death by a drop bear, but meh!

What about earnings? The minimum wage here is a staggeringly high at $18.29 per hour. Yes, it makes a lot of companies uncompetitive, but it’s great for the worker. And that worker can party late into the night, come home on public transport (yeah it’s not great, but it works at least 80% of the time!) with crime being very low, and gun crime being almost irrelevant. Unemployment rates are also better than even France and Canada. 

Are there any down sides, because I’m packing my bags!? Well, yes. I think it’s something unique to patrotism that whilst waterfalls of praise are fine, identifying any improvements is tantamount to heresy. 

You’re going to tell me about the bloody wildlife aren’t you? I frikin knew it! Bags are going back in the cupboard. . . are there spiders in my cupboard? Kerrrrrist! I will tell you about the wildlife, but not yet. Life here is very easy. Australia is so far removed from the rest of the world, it’s almost forgotten about, and the feeling is utterly reciprocal. The world could be raging with a zombie apocalypse (Brexit, Trump, Kanye West . . . bloody may as well be raging already!) and Australia would barely take a moment before opening another cold beer. It’s more than just being geographically removed: it’s emotionally and intellectually as well. A conservative government just brought in gay-marriage, for example (at a cost of $120-pissing-million, but still).

​Well that doesn’t sound too bad? Does it? It doesn’t, but it’s hard to explain. What’s your favour meal? Lasagne? Wagyu Steak? Sounds great, right? What if you could get your favourite meal every day, forever. It’s kind of like that. It’s an island paradise where you come to not only retire after years of working servitude, but retire from the world. So if you can brave the spiders, snakes, scorpions and sharks (all beginning with s…how odd!) come hither! Just remember to leave the world at the door because it’s not needed. 

​Come to Australia, retire from life? That’s about the size of it. 

​Image References:
https://www.australia.com/en
https://www.buzzfeed.com/jennaguillaume/australian-map-porn?utm_term=.ukwmgp6JE#.ioex930kr
https://blog.id.com.au/2011/population/population-trends/australia2006census/
https://www.topuniversities.com/where-to-study/oceania/australia/guide
https://www.kiplinger.com/quiz/retirement/T047-S001-are-you-ready-to-retire/index.html