I possess few qualities, three that I can name. Abundant intelligence, classic good-looks and the ability to make a huge amount of money aren’t any of those qualities, but would make my life fuck-tonne easier if they were! I don’t use that word often, am trying it out. It’s technically much bigger than a tonne, I believe.
I’m unsure of the qualities’ origin, most certainly in nurture I would have thought. My first quality is calmness, to take each problem as it comes without distraction from the main goal. Of course, there are times when letting out some expletives helps such as yesterday when Google Maps directed me straight into 10 minutes of traffic instead of a quicker way home – minute long tyrannical curses gushed forth via a direct line from hell – yet I’m not really angry. My calmness comes from feeling that each challenge is temporary, just a minor obstacle to overcome, side-step or problem solve. Anything worth doing is always difficult, otherwise everyone would do it. A sense of perspective is a wonderful ally.
Apparently a Virtue
The second quality I am endowed with is a huge penis. Sorry, I meant patience. That’s right. Huge patience, I always get those mixed up. An easy mistake to make I feel, yet try explaining that to single women after wooing them back to the flat. Fortunately, those days are behind me and my girlfriend loves me for more than my button mushroom. I am an extremely patient person, perhaps down to expectations I have upon people to deliver when they say they would (am not talking about pizza here) or that things won’t go my way all the time. I have become overly familiar with missing trams, for example. Nominally I walk to work, but sometimes I will take my favourite form of public transport. Yet when I arrive at said tram stop, I am 95% certain the object of my affection will be fleeing for all its worth. It’s not quite a super-power, but there is nary a human alive that can get a 30-tonne tram scampering the opposite direction quite like I can.
The last of my qualities is, I believe, an ability to understand humans and to not pass judgement. I am very easy to talk to, am shocked by very little, and can understand the perspectives of almost anyone from this earth. I do have a blind spot in the perspective of my girlfriend, but that’s entirely different. She’s from a different dimension <I think I can back my way out of that by saying she’s heaven-sent, right? No? Shit> I am fortunate to have friends from multifarious backgrounds, cultures, religions, sexual preference and even sexual avarice . . . some far more avaricious than others! But the core is that they are all good people, which at their essence is simply people being people.
So there you go, my qualities are not world conquering perhaps and I may not reach the nadir of society through being calm or telling rubbish penis jokes, but if I can make someone’s day slightly better for an instant, that’s me done. Should my fourth quality be about being easily pleased?
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