Among my favourite questions ever directed at anyone came this week when billionaire philanthropist Bill Gates was asked ’in 2015 when you warned us of a pandemic and no one listened . . . what else have you said recently that we haven’t listened to?’ That question from Stephen Colbert made me guffaw loudly. Moving from genius to a different type of intelligence, President d’Orange stepped up his attempt to stop the masses cashing in their unemployment cheques through advocating using disinfectant to clean lungs. Unsurprisingly the Trumpter in Chief refused to answer any questions in his next daily briefing, which was very brief indeed.
Sticking with the United States, so long a beacon to the world of freedom, technological advancement and florid, brazen obesity, they’ve continued to make the world feel better by being an unmitigated disaster. The country will soon have a million cases of COVID, which makes my investment in fifteen pairs of underwear online seem prescient. The only disappointment is that they’re not made of rubber and don’t come up to my nipples, as the extra reinforcement may be needed as the months draw on.
Remaining upbeat, the second series of After-Life, about a man continually crying and contemplating the point of living, began on Netflix. Viewers should be warned there are scenes of an explicit nature such as people gathering in pubs enjoying themselves and strangers shaking hands in public. Perhaps wait for the children to go to bed first. In slightly better news for beleaguered parents facing serious challenges in home-schooling, the BBC have bought education to the masses by creating programs covering the school syllabus. A collective ‘thank god!’ was heard from the mothers and fathers across the world. ‘If we’d known that one day, we would be responsible for the education our own children, we would never have had them!’ they didn’t add.
Taking advantage of the quieter times, I have tried to improve general fitness and lumbar lordosis i.e. having a back like a rippled carpet. Recommended by a good friend, I have found Athlean-X superb for home-exercise videos. Another warning: the host is ripped to fu** and therefore spends an inordinate amount of time with his top off. Send the kids to bed again. I have also found this week that if you do as many push-ups as you can whilst holding your breath, there is a period where a deep, unsettling blackness envelopes your brain. Suffice to say, the Wim Hof Method is taking its toll: seven more weeks to go. I have to admit that the minute-long showers in cold water, intermittent hot then another minute of cold have become easier to tolerate as the week has trudged by. I am fairly certain though that my counting has picked up apace: oooooneee, twwwwoooo, threee . . . thirty-six . . . fiddy-ate, fiddy-n, sxty and out!! The emasculation process has not improved.
Leaving on a high-note, Bill Gates’ response, by the way, was bio-terrorism. Not all doom and gloom eh? Stay home, stay safe, help others.
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