Upbeat & Undercover

Does anyone else hold their breath when passing others in the street? A glimmer of sunshine and everyone is out, so I’m wheezing like an asthmatic set of plump bagpipes out there! Trying to remain upbeat as death-tolls hit 100,000 worldwide is, admittedly, a challenge. On the other hand, all those times I woke up and declared loudly, “God, I don’t want to go to work today!” Well, it seems the Lord heard me. It may have taken a while, but they were listening. For most the act of physically going to work has been eradicated, go Jesus!! Also, you may have in fact lost your job entirely. #MysteriousWays

Remembering that time when I was outside

The current situation around the world is remarkably shit. I admire British Prime Minister’s Boris Johnson’s undercover investigation into the NHS, although for a minute he looked like he would be a bit too undercover. Health services are on the brink, cities and parks are abandoned or being used as makeshift cemeteries, governments struggle to piece together pay-relief for the unemployed, and I am down to my last three sheets of toilet paper. Should be all right for another week, if I clench. But there is good news! Firstly, covid is all lies, so . . . phew, ammarite! Secondly, there has never been a better time to buy into stocks! Or hold. Or cash-out. Basically, no one knows. As legendary hedge fund manager Ray Dalio confirmed, we’re in the worst situation humanity has encountered in ninety years and although the current situation feels bleak, things will only get worse. Awesome.

Green Bay Social Distancing

Being sickeningly optimistic, I’ve been keeping myself busy: starting Wim Hof’s 10 week course to become a snowman, which essentially involves holding your breath a lot so far, which the world is collectively doing anyway; writing daily to finish the second book; running again (away from COVID, mostly); reading about the Blitz to understand my father’s childhood; and surfing the internet for a plethora of crap I will never need or use or even want, but purchase anyway. The latter is about 90% of my day. However, the remarkable rise in unprecedented global philanthropy hasn’t escaped me: thousands of free ‘get-fit at home’ videos flood the internet; neighbours across the globe introduced themselves, apologised for ignoring one another for the last ten years, and asked if they needed anything; Jack Dorsey donated $1bn to Covid-19 relief; celebrities sang a song as a nice gesture; the world was repulsed by said gesture; British comedians in true fashion set fire to it, danced on its ashes and used the remnants of the idea as loo paper.
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Apropos of nothing, I am down to two sheets. Fortunately, I won’t be shaking hands with anyone for a while anyway. Or ever. Always a bright side! Stay safe everyone x